Birthday Mourns Loss; Parents Pick Up Slack

December 28- Randolph P. Birthday's highly acclaimed and widely coveted Honda Accord was totalled late Sunday afternoon on a patch of highway near the Magna smelter. Some details remain sketchy at this moment but authorities involved do estimate that a rapid loss of oil pressure may possibly have attributed to a failure in the valve lifters and perhaps the oil pump, allegedly destroying the bearings in the engine. The damages are estimated to be in the thousands of dollars; no word yet as to how the young Grindle will manage...one source told us on condition of anonymity that his social relations may suffer as a consequence. The good news is that the caused inconveniences will eventually be resolved, but there is no word on how long it will take the involved parties to clean up this mess.
To deal with the loss of transportation, Mr. Birthday's parents have agreed to shuttle him to work for the time being. It is not known right now what effects this will have on the already strained schedules of the family. Again we know at this time that Grindle is without a vehicle and that damages to the car are substantial; we'll keep you "post"ed as details become available.